The Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed
When someone you care about is depressed, offering advice or wisdom may be something you do with only good intentions in mind. However, the words you use may not convey the message you want to send—especially if you don’t understand the nature of depression and mental illness.
It’s essential to remember that depression is a medical situation that necessitates treatment, be it with medication, therapy, or both. When you’re talking to a loved one about their depression, repeating platitudes can make someone feel that you’re minimizing their feelings.
Snap Out of It or “Try Harder”
Having someone tell you to try harder when you are already giving it your best effort can be demoralizing and may make a person with depression feel their situation is hopeless.
There are many reasons depression develops and a person cannot necessarily control all of the risk factors involved. Once a person has become depressed, it’s not a matter of just “talking themselves out of” a low mood.
“Cheer Up!”
Your well-meaning exhortations to “cheer up” or “smile” may feel friendly and supportive to you, but they oversimplify the feelings of sadness associated with depression.
Just as someone who is depressed can’t force their brain to make more serotonin, they also can’t just “decide” to be happy. While there are certainly benefits to practicing positive thinking, 2it’s not enough to cure someone of depression.
“But You Don’t Look Depressed!”
How a person appears on the outside does not essentially reflect how they feel on the inside. This is true of many mental illnesses, but also chronic illnesses and situations that are sometimes deemed invisible.
The old adage that you can’t judge a book by its cover rings true: It’s not uncommon for people with depression and anxiety to try very hard to “put on a good face” and hide how they really feel from others.
“It Can’t Be That Bad” or “It Could Be Worse” or, “You Think You Have It Bad.”
When you’re talking to a friend who is depressed or going through a hard time, resist the temptation to compare pain. Remember that pain (emotional and physical) is not only subjective but relative.
People with depression also lack the internal resources needed to cope with stress in an effective and healthy way.
To you, an event or situation that constitutes a minor annoyance or inconvenience may feel like an insurmountable obstacle to your loved one with depression.